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December 7, 2004

A Home Called Cowpoke Alley

No, I was not kidnapped by a pack of water-gun toting elves. No, I did not take that famed trip "Around the World in 80 Days". And no, I did not finally accept that long awaited marriage proposal from Johnny Depp. I've just been busy. Real busy. New job, new casa, new life. Now that I've caught my breath after way too many months, here is our regularly scheduled blog:

Some amusing things about settling into a new swingin' single gals pad with a childhood friend named Cinderella:

  1. Using dish soap instead of dishWASHER soap in your machine can make for one interesting evening. Our kitchen looked like that scene in "The Party" with Peter Sellers.without the painted baby elephant running around. (Um, for those of you who haven't seen it - get thee to a rental place immediately)

  2. A leaky washing machine can make for one soggy mess in a carpeted hallway. I believe it took us an entire week of tap dancing on towels, quilts, and blankets to finally get rid of our very own Lake Erie. We looked very much like Lucy in that infamous grape stomping scene - without the angry Italian broad.

  3. Having a large, hairy, Chewbacca-like mutt indoors will make your dwelling look like it has angora carpeting (I must accredit this observation to Katie Castayec)

  4. If you've got an angry spinster neighbor living directly across the street from you, watch out. She probably won't appreciate your loud boisterous laughing - or your large, hairy, Chewbacca-like mutt whizzing on her potted plants.

  5. Sometimes, there's nothing more amusing than watching a large, hairy Chewwbacca-like mutt try to chase a squirrel…especially with a wooly “baby” toy in his jaws.

  6. A 13-year old, half-deaf, mostly blind tripod dog can amazingly find her way around a pitch black backyard without much trouble at all.

  7. “Have some coffee and wake the f**k up” may not be the most joyous greeting in the morning, but it WILL get your attention.

  8. Several reasons why living with Cinderella is very much like living with my mother:

    1. Neither one can sit still – constant motion is key

    2. The dishes must always be put away; if you’re not done with your coffee cup, hide it, or it WILL be gone.

    3. The heater’s cranked up to BROIL – stick a fork in me, I’m done

    4. They fall asleep halfway through any movie, no matter how funny or scary

    5. The ability to sort laundry into 97 different loads is a truly unnatural talent

    6. Every, single, solitary door lock must be secured. Batten down the hatches, it IS Fort Knox

  9. Burping at the top of your lungs is a lot more fun when there’s someone around to appreciate it…and join you.

  10. Washing your unmentionables is a much more enlightening experience when you refer to your undies as “hot chonies”.

  11. A steaming bowl of Mac N’ Cheese and a couple glasses of cheap swill can serve as quite a tasty treat for dinner.

  12. Microwavable packets of “Cheezy Mac” do not render the same results.

  13. Two different sized dogs pooping in one medium sized Sherwood Forest equals small “packages” and large “Dino dumps” (see: Jurassic Park).

  14. Two tiny finches with a brand new window view and a lot of time on their wings can chatter like chipmunks and scatter seed a good forty feet.

  15. A freezer stocked with tequila, a fridge full of leftover pizza, and a cupboard stacked with soup, make for a very happy home.

Posted by Wendy at 6:52 PM | Comments (5)