{"id":225,"date":"2023-10-06T14:31:39","date_gmt":"2023-10-06T22:31:39","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wendy.thedude.com\/?p=225"},"modified":"2023-10-07T11:18:44","modified_gmt":"2023-10-07T19:18:44","slug":"dogs-dementia-and-dot-speak","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/wendy.thedude.com\/?p=225","title":{"rendered":"Dogs, Dementia, and Dot-Speak"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

Oh, you hate your job? Why didn’t you say so? There’s a support group for that. It’s called everybody, and they meet at the bar. ~Drew Carey<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Oh, hi there, it\u2019s been a minute. Sorry it\u2019s taken me so long to bang out a few thoughts here, but well, you know how it is.  Sometimes life just takes over and before you know it, 15 years has blown by.  Seriously?  It\u2019s been that long since I had anything to yak about?  Boy, what an exciting life I lead.  I would go back to 2008 and pick up from there, but that would take until Christmas, and I can\u2019t even remember what I wore to work yesterday.  There have been many highs, and way too many lows, but we must trudge on.  These days I\u2019m happily employed, and by that, I mean I\u2019m just happy to have a job.  Is it my dream job?  No.  Does it pay the bills?  Yes.  Am I ready to retire?  You bet.  Unfortunately, I still have at least a couple more years before I can watch Netflix and eat bon-bons all day.  Heavy sigh.  The good news is that my company has moved into a new fancy building out in Clovis.  That\u2019s right, just like The Jeffersons.  It\u2019s not a deluxe apartment in the sky, but the insides do resemble a gigantic airplane hangar. I won\u2019t be surprised when I come into work one day, and there\u2019s a Boeing 747 parked in the foyer.  Ladies and gentlemen, please fasten your seatbelts\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n

…if you don’t like your job, you don’t strike. You just go in every day and do it really half-assed. That’s the American way. ~The Simpsons<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

 Our new digs are very industrial, with lots of overhead piping, a thousand fluorescent lights, and windows everywhere.  All the doors and conference rooms are glass, and the only thing you can\u2019t <\/em>see through, are the stainless-steel bathroom stalls.  And who wants to see that?  I\u2019m telling you; SC Johnson doesn\u2019t make enough Windex for this place.  NO privacy, whatsoever, not even for the mucky mucks.  Thinking of taking a quick snooze in your cushy leather chair?  I don\u2019t think so mister.  Thank goodness we moved, because if I had to spend one more day schlepping down to our cockroach infested flophouse, I was going to lose my mind.  You know, it was a joy having intellectual conversations with the homeless, dodging piles of dog poop, and breathing in the putrid scent of urine.  That\u2019s all well and good for some people, and a few of my crazy co-workers actually miss working deep in the belly of the beast.  As for me, I couldn\u2019t get out the door fast enough, waving a fond farewell to the stinky streets of downtown.  So long suckers!  I haven\u2019t seen any spindly 8-legged critters yet, so hopefully we have some efficient pest control people taking care of things now.  And by that, I mean I want to see Bill Murray and Dan Akroyd sauntering down the hall wearing proton packs\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The great pleasure of a dog is that you may make a fool of yourself with him, and not only will he not scold you, but he will make a fool of himself too. ~Samuel Butler<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

And speaking of unwanted guests, we have a few in our backyard.  No, I\u2019m not talking about the squirrels and the blue jays.  Specifically, there are three huge rats that have taken a liking to the crunchy contents of the bird feeder hanging from one of our trees.  I know what you\u2019re probably thinking, oh how cute, they have Ratatouille scampering around the flora and fauna.  He\u2019s happily sitting on his haunches, nibbling on a blade of grass and picking the sunflower seeds from his tiny little teeth.  Well, my friends, this is no Disney movie.  These rogue rodents are fat and ugly, with hairless tails longer than David Letterman\u2019s beard. Yikes. Their fangs are yellow, their fur is filthy, and their nails are like sharp, stunted spikes.  My wacky dog, Coco, is absolutely obsessed with this trio of thieves, and practically plows through the screen door whenever she sees them.  Run away!  Run away!  I shall eat you alive!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I have to admit, they are kind of fun to mess with.  I like to wait until the entire herd is planted on the feeder, greedily chomping away, their beady eyes rolling back in gastronomic pleasure.  Then I slowly sneak up, and like a hissing snake, blurt out an ear-splitting, PSSSSSSST!!!!!!!!!<\/strong>  I don\u2019t know what\u2019s more hilarious, watching them scatter in all directions, or laughing as Coco sprints back into the house like someone just pinched her ass. Ruff! And that may be the only exercise she gets all day, except for skimming the floors like a Roomba in search of fallen food.  She really is the strangest dog; she doesn\u2019t like to play, and she\u2019s terrified of toys. Walking around the neighborhood, she avoids other dogs, side-stepping backwards to keep a safe distance of no less than 3 feet.  It\u2019s not that she doesn\u2019t like dogs, she just doesn\u2019t want to be friends.  She\u2019s really not a big fan of that whole butt-sniffing thing either.  Her eyes get all bugged out, and if she was human, her facial expression would say, \u201cLook dude, you better buy me dinner first\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There are memories I choose not to live with, but we occasionally meet for a drink. ~Robert Brault<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

These days, when I\u2019m not chasing Rodents of Unusual Size (see: The Princess Bride<\/em>), I\u2019m spending quality time with my mother.  And by that, I mean attempting to decipher what the heck she\u2019s talking about, via Dot-Speak<\/em><\/strong>.  This is when mom pulls words out of her cranium\u2019s cobwebs and combines them with her version of sign language.  It\u2019s like playing charades, where I smile and listen and nod until I win the game. There\u2019s no prize, but just guessing the right answer is worth a celebration.  Dot has vascular dementia, which is a whole weird thing that plays tricks on the brain, screws up speech, and makes the memory go bye-bye.  When Dot thinks really hard, she\u2019ll squint her eyes and make fast gestures with her hands, twisting her wrists around.  It\u2019s as if she\u2019s forcing the answer to come shooting out of her fingers, like Wonder Woman.  Because of this disease, she forgets names of household objects, and generally refers to most items as \u201cthat thing.\u201d  Mom knows my name, and my two sister\u2019s names, she just assigns them to the wrong one.  The other day, she said, \u201cI told Wendy to take that plant home, but it\u2019s still here.\u201d Wait, what? At least she hasn\u2019t turned into grandma yet, who was fond of calling my cousin Mark, \u201cthe boy.\u201d  The TV remote is Dot\u2019s worst enemy, and occasionally she confuses it with the telephone.  Unfortunately, saying \u201chello\u201d 47 times will not <\/em>change the channel\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Whoever snatched my formerly reliable, sharp short-term memory: I’d like it back now, please. ~Dr. SunWolf<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

 It\u2019s rough watching your once lucid mother struggle so much. To be honest, it\u2019s a real bitch.  And when my patience goes on vacation, I definitely feel guilty.  Because I just want to shout, \u201cWhat is it?  What are you saying?\u201d  I know there\u2019s a giant scroll of words in mom\u2019s head, and I just want to pull it out, and unfurl the damn thing.  Every so often, I look at old family photos, and I recall how vibrant she used to be.  Especially when my parents owned a motor home, and hosted cocktail-fueled tailgate parties at Fresno State football games.  Much later, they spent years following the FSU Women\u2019s Softball Team, all decked out in their crimson red attire.  There are times I still see the old Dot, like when she\u2019s reading the paper, and her tongue sticks out in great concentration.  Or when she\u2019s engrossed in one of her puzzles, singing away to the Platters. They say at some point in your life, you and your parents will reverse roles. Which is why I\u2019m now the one cooking dinner, and I\u2019m the one tucking mom into bed at night. Every week or so, she decides to sleep on a different side of the bed, for no apparent reason.  I often wonder, if inside her misty mind, she\u2019s secretly saving the other side for my dad\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n

She drank good ale, strong punch and wine,
And lived to the age of ninety-nine.
~Epitaph on Mrs. Freeland, in the churchyard of Edwalton<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

My mother gets around pretty well, but there are still some things she can\u2019t do herself.  For instance, she can\u2019t bathe alone.  Now, giving your parent a shower is an eye-opening adventure all its own.  First of all, you have to get past the nakedness.  Let\u2019s face it, that experience can be a real shock to the system.  I have to say, the first time I saw Dot in the buff, I didn\u2019t know how to react.  Should I look?  Should I not look?  Am I looking too much?  What exactly IS the protocol for this situation?  And then, once I realized she wasn\u2019t embarrassed, it got much easier. I\u2019m not saying it\u2019s my favorite task in the world, but at least mom\u2019s still able to use the commode without any assistance.  Because getting jiggy with that<\/em> area of the body, is something that might push me right over the edge. Bust out the rubber gloves!  You might think it wouldn\u2019t be that difficult taking care of an 89-year-old woman, but think again.  She\u2019s faster than she looks, and you can\u2019t let her out of your sight.  One minute she\u2019s right in front of you, and as soon as you blink, she\u2019s doing laps around the backyard in her fancy walker. She really is the world\u2019s worst patient.  It\u2019s like having a toddler around; she won\u2019t listen to you, and if you tell her not to do something, you can bet she\u2019s doing it later.  \u201cMom, get off that stool!\u201d  \u201cWendy, I have to water my violets.\u201d  \u201cMom, why are you lifting that?\u201d  \u201cBecause you<\/em> weren\u2019t here.\u201d  \u201cDot, where are you going?\u201d  \u201cWendy, the bird feeder is empty.\u201d Oy vey. Sometimes, I think she does it just to piss me off. Well played Dot, well played\u2026<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

oh, you hate your job? why didn\u2019t you say so? there\u2019s a support group for that. it\u2019s called everybody, and they meet at the bar. ~drew carey<\/p>\n

oh, hi there, it\u2019s been a minute. sorry it\u2019s taken me so long to bang out a few thoughts here, but well, you know how it is. sometimes life just takes over and before you know it\u2026<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":230,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-225","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wendy.thedude.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/225","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wendy.thedude.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wendy.thedude.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wendy.thedude.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wendy.thedude.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=225"}],"version-history":[{"count":4,"href":"https:\/\/wendy.thedude.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/225\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":232,"href":"https:\/\/wendy.thedude.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/225\/revisions\/232"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wendy.thedude.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/230"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wendy.thedude.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=225"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wendy.thedude.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=225"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wendy.thedude.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=225"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}