Why be yourself when you can be somebody interesting?
If you want to be liked, get a dog. The people you work with are not your friends. -Deborah Norville So the Oscars are over, and all the golden statuettes dispersed, and every winner will spend the next 2 weeks sloshing their way through a multitude of droning television interviews, and wondering whether to place…
Scary as it may sound, I actually broke several major laws of nature the other day. Including, but not restricted to; taking a shower, going out in public, and changing my socks. You see, I don’t usually perform any of the aforementioned tasks on Sunday. In my opinion, Sundays are for snoozing ’till noon, wearing…
How come anything you buy will go on sale next week? Erma Bombeck Most of you know that I’ve spent countless hours at the Club 6019 in my lifetime. There’s always a bounty of food, good conversation, and Margaret aptly tending bar. I’ve lounged by the pool, pumped the pedals of the player piano (wow,…
“If they would rather die,” said Scrooge, “they had better do it and decrease the surplus population.” A Christmas Carol, by Charles Dickens So it’s the holiday season here in the hinterland, and the reason I know is not because of all the twinkling lights, decorated pine trees, wrapped presents, mind-numbing piped in Christmas music,…
So if someone asks you to join in a goofy game called Chicken Feet, just explain that you’re color-blind and you left your magnifying glass at home. http://www.pagat.com/domino/chicken.html For the record, it’s a domino game for 20-20 eyesight players only, and anyone who can accurately tell azure from royal blue, and toffee tone from butterscotch….
There’s nothing more satisfying than corrupting the innocent. And there’s nothing more riveting than watching an innocent new friend being introduced to five barking-growling-pooping-snapping-drooling-shedding-ear-plug-eating- Big-Time-Wrestling dogs. Canines of all sizes, shapes, temperaments, appetites, and degrees of snippiness. It’s definitely not for the meek. Luckily, there are those who step up to the proverbial plate, and…
Been channeling George Costanza on Seinfeld: “Hey, it’s George. I got nothing to say.” – George, leaving a message on Jerry’s answering machine, in “The Chinese Woman” http://tvsothertenpercent.tripod.com/seinfeld.html Actually, I DO have plenty to say, I just don’t know that it has any relevance. So seeing as how I can’t seem to get my feeble…
A Blog About Nothing I’ve been informed recently that I’m severely lacking in my blog entry status. I apologize. Unfortunately, for the past few weeks, I’ve been channeling George Costanza on Seinfeld: Hey, it’s George. I got nothing to say. – George, leaving a message on Jerry’s answering machine, in The Chinese Woman Actually, I…
So I was cruising down the freeway this morning at my usual Batmobile speed, trying to break the sound barrier, when a light bulb popped over my cranium. What we rat race members need to do, is officially assign an appropriate name for each lane on the bustling highways and byways of America. It appears…
I am so in love with my family, it’s sickening. Here I am, in my cousin’s old childhood bedroom, staring at faded photographs, and not even recognizing myself. Pathetic. But, time rolls on, and I can’t be expected to look as good in a bikini, cut off shorts, and halter-tops as I did when I…